when it sinks in

so almost everyone's off and away. one by one, until only some are left. yeah, the lucky few that are seemingly stuck here until we pry ourselves up to the next pivotal step. everybody makes it seems so big, and it is.

but i'm not feeling anything. not yet actually. i'm not even preparing myself for the oh-so-gloomy future that would shape me into the entity i will be for the next 20 years. but maybe that's because i'm lazy.

so, a couple of us are still here. a big difference from the 20+ or so that were here just weeks ago. i'm already bored. my activities wouldn't change that much if everyone else were here, but i'm still bored.

in one way or another, i can feel the tranquil serenity -- and somewhat enjoying it actually. and very very gradually, i know it's gonna sink into something.. dark. the peace has the will to turn into silence, quietness, solitude, and finally loneliness. or maybe not, who knows?

oh well, after a couple of years, everyday experiencing the same sight, sound, and smell, you are gonna get used to it if you like it or not.

everyday images and experiences embedded in you and imprinted to your memories, once it's not there, the mind will be forced to occupy itself with other things to fill in those empty space. or the vacuum will affect everything it can.

faces, voices, laughters.. all those smiles and secrets. you will only realise it when it's not there. i wonder if fate has us destined to meet again.

i hope it won't sink in.

in the meantime, carpe diem, everybody.