How to: Take a cab ride in Cairo

hah, so this piece of blabber actually got published somewhere somehow. and it's mine! woohoooo!!

CAIRO, EGYPT - Of course, most of us have faced the dilemma of wanting to go somewhere, only to be put down by the image of the incessant taxi driver. It happens almost everyday, especially to those who are used to take taxis anywhere they go.

Lucky you might say. Or are they really? Having to first stand in the hot sun or cold wind, then hailing a cab right in the middle of the road that will spray noxious carbon monoxide directly to your face. Do not forget the customary haggling of the price before taking the cab, with hope that an argument will not ensue when you alight later on.

Here, we can learn a lot from the culture of the Egyptians. When negotiating, they are mostly full of witty sarcasm. Fight fire with fire, they say. Now, when seeing an agnabi (foreigner), the driver will likely blurt out an outrageous price, hoping that the clueless tourist will simply accept it.

For those who have been here long, they might reply to a 10 pound taxi ride to Hussain with a clever “Ana bi-raahil Hussain, mish Iskandariyyah”, a pleading “Bas ana taalib, mish ragol ‘aamil zayy enta”, or even a moody “Haraam ‘alaik”.

For the taxi driver, if you were to offer a price that seems too low, he would very likely speed off without saying a word. Those unlucky enough were left in the dust with an additional “Khal-leek waa-if ila bokra” or “Ana bi-liff wa hargi’ taani”, driving off, never to come back.

It seems that the general rule is to know the average amount of fare to your destination. Even if you do not ittifaq beforehand, coolly hand him the rolled-up money after you have alighted. Then stroll briskly away from the cab. That would minimize any unlikely encounter. If you hear any barking later on, you may want to add another half pound or even a full pound to what you have paid. But since the exchange rate is in our favour, I personally think that this is the wisest way out.

Some may want to argue that we should not give face and be brave to fight back. Or practice colloquial Arabic by arguing in broad daylight. Not advisable though, especially for beginners. Unless if you don’t have a single irsh in your pocket, maybe arguing is the only way out. But a few cents will never ever be a good reason to start a fight - or a language lesson for that matter. Especially to someone older that you, though not wiser, they may have mouths to feed. And the few cents will probably do more good to them. My personal advice, hand him the change, and shrug it off.

For the ladies, certain rules apply too when taking a cab. Just make sure you are not alone (especially after dark), don’t talk much, and sit at the back to avoid marriage proposals.

During the ride, if the driver is friendly and talkative, then I would encourage you to return the courtesy. But let’s be frank here, sometimes you are just dead tired and don’t feel like talking ammiyyah. What should you do? A little acting is required. Pretend to sleep, or better yet, read something. If you have a friend with you, then talk to him in an engrossed and loud manner. If all else fails, pretend that you’re frustrated at something and keep quiet. He may ask “Enta za’laan laeh?” Force a fake smile, and pray that you won’t be bothered the rest of the journey.

Whipping out your handphone/PDA/iPod is not a good idea. It will likely invite more unnecessary questions and boring queries surrounding your gadget until you finally reach your destination.

Finally when you want to alight, there are some phrases you should know by heart. Like telling him to keep right, “Khallik yameen.. Alsyan hanzil uddam showayya,” way before your stop, so that he would slow down. Else he would curse you and say that you shouldn’t order him dangerous manoeuvres at the last possible second.

Also, you should be able to describe your destination in considerable detail. For instance, roundabouts (midan?), the military installataion (mu’askar/hittah bita-et el-gaish), gas station (banzeen), and so on.

Besides that, those who always take the cab should also know the major roads and area, especially where you live in. Like the Autostrad, Salah Salim, Medan Tahrir, 'Abbasiyya, Dokki and so on.

Just remember to take things here with a pinch of salt. There are lots to be learned from the humble taxi driver. Even when they raise their voice, listen how they pronounce each and every syllable, and copy them exactly. Memorize the set phrases and its replies, like “khal-liih – baarakAllaahu fiik – Allah yubaarik fiik”. Make sure you know the stress point for each word, or you’ll only sound like a scrawny beginner trying to tackle a bull. And since the driver is almost certainly older than you, no matter how rude he may seem, do not forget that you should speak to him with the manner and dignity of a Muslim.

But of course, if all else fails, you wanna get all worked up, and decide to sweat over the small/minute/miniscule/little things, be my guest. There's a way to do everything with style. For absolute class, before walking away, say to the driver, "addabaka ahluk". Politely now.